The Thirteen Requirements

I do a lot of retreats, workshops, and speaking.  Before each event the host often asks about my needs.  Here’s my updated list of requirements:

1. Ham and cheese hotpocket

2. A well dressed Italian

3. 8 fire torches soaked in authentic Jerusalem palm oil

4. A bic lighter

5. Female Appalachian yodeler

6. Wireless microphone

7. Trained squirrel monkey with bellhop uniform

8. Water bottle mixed with 1/3 tiger urine

9. A podium made of old growth Lebanon Cedar

10. Laser Light Projector with 360 degree Lycra screen.

11. 33rpm of Spandau Ballet’s True.

12. 15th Century Gutenberg Bible

13. Custom T-shirt that says, “I Just Awesomed All Over the Place”

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One response to “The Thirteen Requirements

  • legitfaith

    Ha ha ha! This made us laugh! Love it! It’s good to know what your list is cuz we’re still trying to get you over in this neck of the woods. So, question: which one is a deal-breaker? (from Steve and Krystalynn – the people who have eaten weird Oregon Taco Bell in Roseburg)

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